Everyone, and I do mean everyone, said that the first year of marriage was the hardest. I talked to both women and men, young and old, and the consensus was that if you can get through the first year then it would be gravy. Ok, maybe not gravy but it would be better. February 12th came and went. Guess what? There aren't rainbows shooting out of my ass. There is no sunshine streaming from my vagina. And there certainly aren't any unicorns. I was certain there would be unicorns.
Marriage is fucking hard. It's the hardest goddamn thing I've ever done. It's harder than having been arrested and telling my mama I had to spend a weekend in jail. It's harder than having a boy break your heart over and over again. It's harder than showing up at the hospital with a 51 pulse ox and being certain you are going to die. This marriage stuff is hard.
I knew going in that it wouldn't be a breeze. I married older after a long life of "I'll do whatever the fuck I please." I married someone with baggage from a previous marriage. I married someone with two kids. Two GIRLS. (I'm certain I would do better with boys.) I married someone who is still struggling to be a grown-up. I married someone who likes to drink more than I think is good for someone with diabetes.
However, he married someone who has been spoiled all her life. He married someone who has always been able to do whatever the fuck she wanted when she wanted. He married someone who might just have an unnatural attachment to both her friends and her mama. He married someone who has trust issues. He married a bitch.
Sixteen days into year two and I'm wondering where the easy stuff is. I mean EVERYONE said the first year is the hardest, well, the first year is over. Where are my fucking unicorns, rainbows, and sunshine?
Marriage is fucking hard. It's the hardest goddamn thing I've ever done. It's harder than having been arrested and telling my mama I had to spend a weekend in jail. It's harder than having a boy break your heart over and over again. It's harder than showing up at the hospital with a 51 pulse ox and being certain you are going to die. This marriage stuff is hard.
I knew going in that it wouldn't be a breeze. I married older after a long life of "I'll do whatever the fuck I please." I married someone with baggage from a previous marriage. I married someone with two kids. Two GIRLS. (I'm certain I would do better with boys.) I married someone who is still struggling to be a grown-up. I married someone who likes to drink more than I think is good for someone with diabetes.
However, he married someone who has been spoiled all her life. He married someone who has always been able to do whatever the fuck she wanted when she wanted. He married someone who might just have an unnatural attachment to both her friends and her mama. He married someone who has trust issues. He married a bitch.
Sixteen days into year two and I'm wondering where the easy stuff is. I mean EVERYONE said the first year is the hardest, well, the first year is over. Where are my fucking unicorns, rainbows, and sunshine?
Hah. Sorry it feels rough. I'm sure all those people weren't expecting you to mark it with a calendar. -Caryn
ReplyDeleteI've never been married or even dated anyone for a year--so i have nothing to say. Nice to hear from you, though.
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard being in a blended family. I lived with a man with children, and there was constant stress. Stress from the kids struggling with you being there, stress from the daughters still wanting to be #1 in their dad's life (which they usually still are, and that makes the dad a good person, but is really hard to accept - especially when you yourself are childless). There was stress from the ex, and on top of all that the normal stress of trying to merge two adult lives together.
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